The lonesome siren part II


The only thing that is constant
In this world, is change itself
Spontaneous thinking , in an instant
And turning over a new leaf.

Said the siren , to herself as
She sat alone on the bank
It seems life always has 
Given her opportunities, in black.

" No more pondering , today i jump"
The siren to herself, proclaims
The only way to get out of the slump
And the pain, this life claims.

She is on the boat now, adrift
Evn though she isnt sure
Whether the time had arrived
Whether it was time to be pure

She again lost control, and
Her mind started to wander
Re-visit her 'happy' place, and
Whatever she visioned her to be

Singing , day and night through
Remaining engrossed in the beat 
Living in, around, off the music
Spell binding evryone in their seat

Returning home to find someone 
Holding out his outstretched hand
An insatiable urge to learn 
How good, she really can be !

Whether it was true, that
Something she could give him
In return for the attention
That blossomed in her every whim

That is what she really wants
The siren realizes it now
Not HE who walks out
When the boat is just adrift 

Now that she returns to her mind 
And sees that she has crossed
The lake that had seemed
To be endless and mossed.

The old bank now is far away
And she feels a reason , not to be afraid
To be brave, and happy
About how her life turned out 

As the boat touches the shore
Apprehension still exists
In her mind, like before
She still is wanting more

Unfulfilment , which eats her soul
And cripples her mind, as a parasite
She now feels she has the might
To find someone who would fill that hole

Make her complete, with the song
And fondle her hair, ankle long
She gets up, confident with feelings
Of actually getting whatever there is

This is the new beginning
That she has been waiting for
Leaving the marred past behind
She looks ahead, and walks through the door.

SHE steps off.
SHE has seen the light.



 

Finally Alone ....

Have u ever been in a crowd , all alone ? when the faces around you are so unfamiliar tat you stop taking notice ? when you are not even afraid of getting lost , when you know you are the only one you have , and are accountable for ?

 

Mohashoptomi 6th October 2008 was such a day that I felt that way. From the morning I was feeling alone and left out. My college friends were busy with their school friends. My school friends ( sigh !) were busy sleeping . they had removed me from their equations since the time I had gone into JU.

            When frustration kicks in , you don’t even think correctly. My mom tried to lighten up things by suggesting that I go out with her and her friends. Free food and a lot of unnecessary questions , a lot of them with a sarcastic “oh-you-are-in-ju-while-my-son-isnt “ tone and under meaning…. No thank you …I tell my mom. I sometimes cant stand her friends. Not always, but sometimes.

 

I just walked out. Grabbed a pair of jeans and a tee ..took my money stash .. and went out. Took the metro to desapriyo park.

 

The instinctive urge of male human beings approaching the peak of their mating prowess is to stare and ogle at females of their own species. In Bengali , we call it “jhaari” . the feeling is mutual. Females also look for prospective mates . some want it for a temporary dash. Others , who don’t lack sincerity still have a “ for life “ attitude as far as these issues are concerned.

            Jhaari is best done when in a unisexual group. An all-guys group or an all-females group. Groups comprise of anything from four to seven members.

 

When you are a lone soul and have no group of your own, you can walk alone and get noticed only if u have a terrible smell or have an absolutely weird beard and semi-long hair. Or , you can pretend to be in a group. Its easy , in three steps. Step one , identify a group of your own sex who don’t look like un cool geeks. Step two, keep a distance of about sixteen inches from the last person of the same group who is trailing a little behind the entire group( there will always be one ! sometimes two !) and waalaah .. you have your own group in the general view sight.

 

The disadvantage of having a creative and rational mind is that it never stops working. 24x7 it keeps on working. Give it more food for thought , and it works overtime. But never stops functioning.

      Give it a thousand or so faces. And even more manners, snippets of conversation , waving hands and exposed feet. And the mind just does its job. It keeps on making stories, keeps trying to understand, to the point your head starts reeling and you start feeling .. is this the heaven for a casual anthropologist ?

 

As far as I remember , here is a brief example of what you notice if your head isn’t a confined box of misconceptions about human sexuality and perverted mentality.

           

A group of boys. Another group of boys. And another. An all-girls group. A queue of people. A ticket box. A man frantically exchanging money with  slips of printed paper which you need to show to get onto a trip on the giant revolving machine.

 One giant revolving machine. Another giant swinging machine. Lights. Excitement . human emotions abounding plentifully. Fear, happiness , dejection. All packed into one. Faces on the rides ,which betray the feeling of  wanting  to vomit.

            A hot dame with lots of exposure. You feeling that even you could expose that much and not feel so hot(literally!) in the humid and claustrophobic atmosphere. A couple of hot dames. A couple of not so hot dames. Someone who you think you know. Someone you actually know. “ cowlt deenk  .. cowlt deenk “ sounds emanating from a makeshift stall. A menu card with ridiculously high-charged prices. Slush on the field. Huge cooking vessels. Cheap biriyani which might get you cholera. actually it depends on your immunity.  someone i know confirmed she didn't get cholera. i have heard many get it. so i guess its all relative.

 

Boys and girls perspiring . you remembering a certain scene from FRIENDS. For no apparent reason. Just remembering in a flash. Small kids on their fathers’ shoulders. Remembering the picture of you and your dad which you still keep in your diary. Everyone out there feels lonely . everyone out there feels empty. You look up .. wishing to see stars . You end up choking yourself by inhaling dust kicked up by the multitude of people.

 

            You take the long way back. Back home. Again the metro. This time it will be different.. you say to yourself. You get off at the station where you are supposed to. Suddenly u feel an urge to do it , fulfil one of your wildest fantasies. In a metro station !. you avail the opposite metro and get off at the next station. You change lanes again and again come back. You go back and forth like this 3-4 times. Time looks so stupid. You point your middle finger at the moments passing by … these same moments that have driven you to the brink of your physical and mental limits.

 

You are now taking it back. You remember the time in the exam hall. Those last few minutes. Which drove you  crazy . Your hand moved faster than hell , your mind stepped into overdrive mode.  Now you are wasting those minutes.

 

 TAKE THAT……. TIME !

 

You finally see an escalator. Everyone is crowding to get on it. You decide .. not today ! today I am not going to be bound by the norms of safety and sanity. No more “ they also serve the ones who wait “ logic. You just dash up the opposite escalator. Ha ha !! just do it …. Not think . just do it!!

 

You reach home. Listen to dark metal and a bit of new age alternative rock. Go online to find no-one else there. Slump down on your bed. Go off to sleep .

 

It is only then you realize the truth. The truth that in spite of your friends ,  In spite of the loves, crushes, past-present-prospective lovers, in spite of your parents, in spite of you cursing the devil , in spite of you hoping that Megadeth is with you ….. you are alone.

 

Finally, alone……

 

 

 

 

Remembering

This is just a trip to a particular event in my life. I have been thinking about it all morning. I might exaggerate facts here and now. Ok. Crappy introduction. Lets get to the meat.

 

Once upon a time, in a school far far away , there lived a boy. A boy who topped his class. A boy who was the class monitor , and the teacher’s pet. His name was D. he was a power-abusive and proud boy who loved to be in verbal fights with people he considered physically stronger than him.

            One fine day , when he was in the sixth grade, he was busy having one of those fights with a certain dumb-ass called H. H was a typical example of a dumb-ass. Broad shoulders. Huge head. No brains. Typical . Well, at one instant of their verbal conversation , H decides he has had enough. Obviously he has! How can he match the superior logical skills and eloquence of his counter-part ? so what does H do? Well simple.

            Step 1: H gets up. He yells at D.

 

            Step 2: H folds a steel chair( the old fashioned steel chairs u see in old schools )

 

(meanwhile : D gets up , ready to face H .. D is brave. He never backs out of a challenging scenario no matter what the odds are of him escaping alive)

 

                 Step3 : H raises the steel chair.

 

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMM …. CRAASHHHH ….. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAOOOOOWWWWWWWW !!!!

 

 

This is the reporter reporting live from the scene. It appears that the dumb-ass has done it. He has actually hit D with a steel chair on his skull. D is bleeding. His jet black hair is turning red . dumb-ass is laughing. The evil laugh . u know the “ heee haawww haaa hee haaww haaa” laugh.

 

Enter the dragon( or rather the fat and equally huge V who is a friend and follower of the forces of freedom and justice .. I mean D)

 

This is the reporter again. We are live at the scene. It seems that V has  forgotten that he is not a big choo-choo train. V charges at H.

 

What a takedown !!

 

 Take that! u evil laughing dumb-ass. H is down and out for the count. Meanwhile we check on D. here is an update on the condition of D. he is getting all loopy. His vision is slowly getting blurred. He feels as if he is drifting .

 

Enter the ladies

 

SS and DC arrive. “ ohhhhhhhhh !!” they shriek. “ bood blood” DC shouts. “ so nowww u give me your attention ?” D thinks to himself.  They pour water on D ‘ s face. “ you are going to be all right !” reassures DC. Even now, D has a time for realization. He realizes why female nurses are so much in demand( besidesss the dress !! u pervert .. I was in sixth grade .. man .. ).. D realizes how a few words feminine voices speak can be so reassuring. He branches off .. he now knows why he loves Def Leppard.

            They touch him. Fondle him and caress his head, run theitr fingers through his hair. “ I will remember this instance of two girls fondling me at the same time .. all my life ! “ D says to himself. ( who wouldn’t !!)

 

Cutting the story short . because the rest is really uninteresting . or rather I don’t remember it clearly. Here goes.

D passes out.

Teachers come.

D ‘s parents are called.

D is rushed to a hospital.

D has thirteen stitches on his skull. ( 13 ?? why 13 …. Uhmmmm .. sometimes I hate superstition)

 

 

Another short one … impromptu and real life …

 

Mom :

  Abar kobita likhtey bosechis ? porteee boshh !!!

 

Son :

  Uff .. eta kobita bole money hoy tomar ? dekehe jaao naa

 

Mom:

  Bondho kor compeeutaar . bab k bole sob line katiye debo.

 

Son:

  Korchi korchi.

 

 

A parting line written in haste.

 

Harjyot singh. Aka H  :   you    ass ! what were u thinking ??i understand u r dumb and immature … but hit a guy half your size with a steel chair !! u r really the stupidest human being I have met in my life.

 

Well … another line :

 

Vishal karnani. Aka V : Thank you for saving my life that day. God knows what the freak would have done to me if u weren’t there. 

 

 

Mom :

  Ami kintu ebar sob taar kachi diye kete  felboo

 

Son :

  Eii dekho na .. shutdown .. ei naoo .

 

 

P.S. : shhhhhh .. quiet. Listen .. give me comments ok ? …

 

Mom:

   Eiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii ekhonooooo ????? mithhhye bolli amayy ???

 

Son :

  Tumi bujhbar ches……………….

 

 

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