The purpose of existence

We are like burnt logs of wood, drifting downstream. Now that we have served our purpose , we are allowed to rot, decompose and vanish from view. Downstream is where we go, we flow where the current takes us, not questioning anything, silently , onward to our obvious removal from existence.

Two words, purpose and existence. And so much is said in between. What is the purpose of existence ? What is the existence of purpose ? Abstract nouns, leading to abstract ideas. Abstract because no-one ponders about them. Why bother ? Let us keep moving. Tight-lipped,

un-mindful, without realisation. As we have been , all our lives till now.

Now. The word rings with weight. Denotes energy , denotes action. Now we do what is to be done. What was to be done before. Now , we stop. Now , we think , and not be made to think, and made to believe that it was ourselves that thought. Us , and they. They who manipulate us. They who try to , and are successful at giving us a purpose. Giving us an existence.

Now, we break them. And try to remember. Anything. I remember a few moments in my life. Toy, hatred. anger, humiliation, love. I remember them all. It is strange how these things prioritise themselves in your remembrance. Not the facts. Not the data. But these.

These are it. These are the reasons why we exist. Emotions. Interactions. Being 'human'-like in form,shape and thought. These form the purpose. The purpose of our existence. We exist to feel. We feel to exist.

I will not say everything I am thinking. You do that part for yourself.

That is the existence of purpose .

That is the purpose of existence.

SHE in the evening

It was nearing dusk, and she was solitary in the long corridor of her college building.
She kept thinking why was she alone !! it wasn't that she disliked company but just at that moment she felt crazily alone she looked in the gathering dusk and decided that she was alone.
A bit more reflection in her own head made it very clear , the fact that she had been always alone.. even though apparently she wasn't.
had she been trying to fool herself she loved her friends but somewhere down the line she had known it all along that she didn't really belong to them.
" Fit in " .. that's what she always tried , graciously she achieved her purpose, but a void remained , she longed someone like her own, who could get everything she was made of.
Indecision was something she was always averse from , because she always looked upon herself as someone who could actually set clear goals and work consistently towards them. She would suck up a little then and now but on the whole she was almost never in a situation like this particular juncture in her life. Perhaps the situation in her mind and her soul was amplified to the extent where the entire surroundings and nature around her aligned themselves , as if they had a spirit of their own , to reflect herself.
She let her hair down. She remembered the time she used to keep long hair, it was a long time ago. Parameters had changed since then , now she was no longer a girl , no longer a kid, she was a woman now. Who wanted purpose, who wanted to see her reflection , and not be dazed.

A voice in the distance.

She turns around, but there is no one there. A figment of her imagination, she says to herself. A stupid figment of her imagination. She had been waiting for this voice for quite a long time. A voice that would resound with her own. Reverberate so that her own would sound louder and clearer. A voice that could get her. A voice that would similar to her own . An unforced voice, which did not take effort on the throat and on the mind. A voice which itself " fits in ".

Voids are created in our minds by our minds. She muses to herself. And she creates another void at the same time. In her heart. That of unfulfilment. That of the voice actually not being there.

Then as the sun slowly sinks below the horizon, she starts to trudge her way home.

A long narrow road outside her college. dusty when windy , and not-so-clean all the time. A heavy over sized bag on her shoulders. She walking in a straight line. She turns around. A dark silhouette in the distance , approaching . " Stupid imaginations stop bothering me ... " she cries.

Tears build up in her eyes. She starts to run. She can hear footsteps . But they don't seem her own. A light hand touches her shoulder. A hand she had never felt before. A hand that made her " feel " for the very first time. She stops. She turns around. She looks up. t is HE...........................

random 69814586

i know not why the protagonist of most of my ramblings happens to be feminine in form . it maybe because perhaps the strongest people i know are women. readers opine that i am better at writing unlinked aberrant ramblings. in the present i attempt to do the same.

the chastity of a woman. the love of one. they are interlinked. if a woman can, she can place someone in her mind and her heart, devote her entire soul into the same. she can spend years waiting for the person she is in love with. no form of mortal suffering, no form of desire is strong enough to deprive her of that, her chastity remains untouched and pure.now that is power. raw brute power which you know you must bow down to.

yes, you are correct, i am reading SRIKANTA by SARATCHANDRA. the translator's note was that this was a nineteenth century novel. even in this day, at this present moment, i can find meaning and realisation in the same.

the realisation , that i am a coward and a low puny human. anyone waiting for me for " a year or so .." if you still are , please don't. i am not worthy of such devotion. i will run away. i have always ran away. this makes me what i am today. a coward. nothing else.

UPDATES:

i have had a long overdue haircut.

i might start a new blog.

i am currently throwing away my pseudoisms

Crackers in a puddle

A crescent,  green and holy

Dark irons emerge from its nerve

Pierce through a virgin heart

Red. Gushing and frothing arise

And flow in the slope

 

White rats scurry in haste

Black ants , hither and thither

Run,  but to no avail

Darkness spares no-one there

Death by drowning is cruel.

 

Snubbing off life for reasons

Beyond comprehension is , a sin

No i don’t blame u mortal

I blame HE who does so

Ensnare you ,blind your logic

 

Curse HIM. No kill HIM

Wait. HE cant be killed

Then put HIM in our hell

Yes , do it right now

Take HIM to trial !!!

FONE CALL

She:

 

Hello..

 

Hello ? …..

 

…………

 

hello ?

 

He:

 

Hello

 

She:

 

Yes , hello ?.....

 

He:

 

Get the form for the exam …

 

She hears :

 

“ get the …”

 

 

<<  DISCONNECTED >>

 

17 seconds

 

 

 

 

 

Sometimes changing your sim helps. You get to hear something you wanted to hear for a long time. Her voice.

 

 

But there isn’t a long past here. No strong emotions. Nothing. The last year of my life , incidentally , the first of my college life, has been a year of half risings. Of upstarts. Of beginnings. But they don’t bloom. They get snubbed before they even show promise.

 

random thoughts

sometimes when we feel that it is our own pride that we are a victim of , that our decisions and perceived notions are determined by this single entity governing our minds and our decisions. 

prejudice and logic , a feeling of destituteness, and a sense of belonging. happiness and sorrow. luck and inevitability, lack of interest and pre-supposed attention

everything boils down to something variant with time and space. 

we are the sultans of swing........

drifting like a burnt log. existing with the knowledge that we are no longer capable of doing anything. yet still having a desire to fight on..

not be lost... in the maddening crowd.

realisation .. is something i have always yearned for.  i remember someone saying that i have my priorities in the right place. that was a long time ago.

we are the nobodies.......

The lonesome siren part II

The only thing that is constant

In this world, is change itself

Spontaneous thinking , in an instant

And turning over a new leaf.

Said the siren , to herself as

She sat alone on the bank

It seems life always has 

Given her opportunities, in black.

" No more pondering , today i jump"

The siren to herself, proclaims

The only way to get out of the slump

And the pain, this life claims.

She is on the boat now, adrift

Evn though she isnt sure

Whether the time had arrived

Whether it was time to be pure

She again lost control, and

Her mind started to wander

Re-visit her 'happy' place, and

Whatever she visioned her to be

Singing , day and night through

Remaining engrossed in the beat 

Living in, around, off the music

Spell binding evryone in their seat

Returning home to find someone 

Holding out his outstretched hand

An insatiable urge to learn 

How good, she really can be !

Whether it was true, that

Something she could give him

In return for the attention

That blossomed in her every whim

That is what she really wants

The siren realizes it now

Not HE who walks out

When the boat is just adrift 

Now that she returns to her mind 

And sees that she has crossed

The lake that had seemed

To be endless and mossed.

The old bank now is far away

And she feels a reason , not to be afraid

To be brave, and happy

About how her life turned out 

As the boat touches the shore

Apprehension still exists

In her mind, like before

She still is wanting more

Unfulfilment , which eats her soul

And cripples her mind, as a parasite

She now feels she has the might

To find someone who would fill that hole

Make her complete, with the song

And fondle her hair, ankle long

She gets up, confident with feelings

Of actually getting whatever there is

This is the new beginning

That she has been waiting for

Leaving the marred past behind

She looks ahead, and walks through the door.

SHE steps off.

SHE has seen the light.